INERTNESS

You look around standing dazed,

Wondering if submerged in the haze

Exists a path waiting to be found.

Illusions have drenched away the soul,

Then why something within still feels cold?

Devoid of inspiration my spirit wanders

Glued to strayness.

Movement distracts me now

And Stillness no longer seems sure.

Lost into nothingness of time,

I try to gather what was the last thing

That did fascinate my mind.

I weave a dream to liquidate the time

Losing the frozen moments is what I have determined.

Neither any desire to excel

Nor an inspiration to win,

Out of momentum wondering if I’m filled to the brim?

Noises disguised as voices

Look I’m hearing I mostly pretend.

The thought process confined

The obscured boundaries surrounding my mind.

Is protection preservation?

All I end up hearing is the echo of my own screams

Substituting the long lost jingle

Which when young I was used to hearing as my lullaby.

Ghosts of Monotonous tones of reverberation of the precedent laugh squeals

Too long had I spend hearing this crass cacophony as symphony,

That I have forgotten the melody of the chime.

Persistent state of dullness exists

My futile attempts to domesticate my own mind.

I wonder if inertness has forms or kinds,

Circumnavigating without a compass

I’m on my voyage

To hunt for the one

That fits the blank patches in my timeline.

**I dun have a title for this**

You lie in the stillness of my soul I believed,

My little secret, my hidden pride.

Wondering if the whole of me that you created was a hole in disguise.

I gaze at illuminated copper sky

Birds still haven’t lost their tone,

I Ponder are you instilled in the calmness within me?

Ecstatic I go finding you are still a whisper softer than the petal I plead to be.

Looking around I see seasons change,

What stays back is the peace either parched or stained.

Wingspan can never be an acronym of their hope,

To nestle in the dark in their hard earned abode.

The scent of the flower hard to locate within the scorched bushes,

Reminds me how Spasm of pains is overshot by your tinniest glance.

Leaves falling off the branches, floating in the blue sky,

Giving no clue about where lies the fate or what so ever may come by.

A storm surge passes by,

Copper turns grey amidst the hazy sky.

The coolness of the storm urging me to be blown away,

like the sand who has lost the reminiscences of it’s origin

Beneath the sheet of time.

Murmur begin and hollowness is stirred,

Cries of many masked under the chirps of some.

Dust starts settling over the leaves,

Greedily you can see them retaliate fighting the battle to stay clean.

And the whole evening I spend drenched

Watching how little drops wash away my loneliness

Rinse my soul and makes me gleam .

If this unsteadiness of nature is what I enjoy,

Then why, “not being steady” is what I grieve.?.

BREAK

Wow a new post finally after ages. Guess what people My life sucks.

A boyfriend who thinks I'm the play ground where he can visit in every holiday to reminsence good old days each time he is in country for a holiday.

A holiday where all I get to spend my time with the same people as I keep on running away from the whole year.

Home makes me feel paralysd dependent on your mom for food. dependent on dad's permission for going out, dependent on friends if they are free to go out and all points of time there is a sure probability of one of the things mentioned above goes wrong. If your parents agree your friends parents do not. Sometimes you don't have the vehicle..sometimes when you have everything planned you are left with no money. Grr....I hate it the whole thought of the holiday seems perfect to me just for a week beyond that your parents start observing every minute thing they can prosecute you for. From the extra pounds you have gained on your tummy to yourr long phone calls to your addiction to internet usage. Every damn darn thing.

And yes holidays make me think of my boyfriend(or Ex bf) I have no freaking idea. He comes and goes like the monsoons only just twice a year. And then for the rest of the year the excessive pressure of my friends to leave him and move on continues(not their fault they are the ones to wipe out my tears after he storms out). Each time I think it's going to be the final time I see myself ending up hugging him weaving new dreams to be shattered by my monsoon.

Why on earth can't I move on.

As for the rest of the people they are just in and out I don't remember when and where I left the count. I feel like running away where I know nobody. Nobody to judge nobody to count on. Where I'm responsible for my own actions. I feel like a restless soul.
And for the rest of the year when I'm busy giving exams or running to college society meetings or celebrating birthdays or just trying to keep a pace with the rest of the people around I'm happy. It's the holidays that trouble me:Reminds me of the long lost monsoon; of my failures and how all other people are more happier then me. Thinking makes me unhappy. It gives me a harsh reality check leading me through a phase of being brutal to myself reasonable or unreasonable hard to decide.
I may enjoy a holiday away from home all on my own where I know nobody. No friends no foes a place where there is nobody known. Running the whole day completing my training and project amongst the people I strongly abhore isn't my idea of a holiday. I just need some time alone.
Anything except this is nothing but another addition to my year long battle with the world updating myself every second(clothes, vocab, social circle everything) just so as to be in the race. I want a holiday rather to frame it rightly I need a "BREAK"