INERTNESS

You look around standing dazed,

Wondering if submerged in the haze

Exists a path waiting to be found.

Illusions have drenched away the soul,

Then why something within still feels cold?

Devoid of inspiration my spirit wanders

Glued to strayness.

Movement distracts me now

And Stillness no longer seems sure.

Lost into nothingness of time,

I try to gather what was the last thing

That did fascinate my mind.

I weave a dream to liquidate the time

Losing the frozen moments is what I have determined.

Neither any desire to excel

Nor an inspiration to win,

Out of momentum wondering if I’m filled to the brim?

Noises disguised as voices

Look I’m hearing I mostly pretend.

The thought process confined

The obscured boundaries surrounding my mind.

Is protection preservation?

All I end up hearing is the echo of my own screams

Substituting the long lost jingle

Which when young I was used to hearing as my lullaby.

Ghosts of Monotonous tones of reverberation of the precedent laugh squeals

Too long had I spend hearing this crass cacophony as symphony,

That I have forgotten the melody of the chime.

Persistent state of dullness exists

My futile attempts to domesticate my own mind.

I wonder if inertness has forms or kinds,

Circumnavigating without a compass

I’m on my voyage

To hunt for the one

That fits the blank patches in my timeline.

**I dun have a title for this**

You lie in the stillness of my soul I believed,

My little secret, my hidden pride.

Wondering if the whole of me that you created was a hole in disguise.

I gaze at illuminated copper sky

Birds still haven’t lost their tone,

I Ponder are you instilled in the calmness within me?

Ecstatic I go finding you are still a whisper softer than the petal I plead to be.

Looking around I see seasons change,

What stays back is the peace either parched or stained.

Wingspan can never be an acronym of their hope,

To nestle in the dark in their hard earned abode.

The scent of the flower hard to locate within the scorched bushes,

Reminds me how Spasm of pains is overshot by your tinniest glance.

Leaves falling off the branches, floating in the blue sky,

Giving no clue about where lies the fate or what so ever may come by.

A storm surge passes by,

Copper turns grey amidst the hazy sky.

The coolness of the storm urging me to be blown away,

like the sand who has lost the reminiscences of it’s origin

Beneath the sheet of time.

Murmur begin and hollowness is stirred,

Cries of many masked under the chirps of some.

Dust starts settling over the leaves,

Greedily you can see them retaliate fighting the battle to stay clean.

And the whole evening I spend drenched

Watching how little drops wash away my loneliness

Rinse my soul and makes me gleam .

If this unsteadiness of nature is what I enjoy,

Then why, “not being steady” is what I grieve.?.

BREAK

Wow a new post finally after ages. Guess what people My life sucks.

A boyfriend who thinks I'm the play ground where he can visit in every holiday to reminsence good old days each time he is in country for a holiday.

A holiday where all I get to spend my time with the same people as I keep on running away from the whole year.

Home makes me feel paralysd dependent on your mom for food. dependent on dad's permission for going out, dependent on friends if they are free to go out and all points of time there is a sure probability of one of the things mentioned above goes wrong. If your parents agree your friends parents do not. Sometimes you don't have the vehicle..sometimes when you have everything planned you are left with no money. Grr....I hate it the whole thought of the holiday seems perfect to me just for a week beyond that your parents start observing every minute thing they can prosecute you for. From the extra pounds you have gained on your tummy to yourr long phone calls to your addiction to internet usage. Every damn darn thing.

And yes holidays make me think of my boyfriend(or Ex bf) I have no freaking idea. He comes and goes like the monsoons only just twice a year. And then for the rest of the year the excessive pressure of my friends to leave him and move on continues(not their fault they are the ones to wipe out my tears after he storms out). Each time I think it's going to be the final time I see myself ending up hugging him weaving new dreams to be shattered by my monsoon.

Why on earth can't I move on.

As for the rest of the people they are just in and out I don't remember when and where I left the count. I feel like running away where I know nobody. Nobody to judge nobody to count on. Where I'm responsible for my own actions. I feel like a restless soul.
And for the rest of the year when I'm busy giving exams or running to college society meetings or celebrating birthdays or just trying to keep a pace with the rest of the people around I'm happy. It's the holidays that trouble me:Reminds me of the long lost monsoon; of my failures and how all other people are more happier then me. Thinking makes me unhappy. It gives me a harsh reality check leading me through a phase of being brutal to myself reasonable or unreasonable hard to decide.
I may enjoy a holiday away from home all on my own where I know nobody. No friends no foes a place where there is nobody known. Running the whole day completing my training and project amongst the people I strongly abhore isn't my idea of a holiday. I just need some time alone.
Anything except this is nothing but another addition to my year long battle with the world updating myself every second(clothes, vocab, social circle everything) just so as to be in the race. I want a holiday rather to frame it rightly I need a "BREAK"

Star struck

The moment Angela saw him for the first time she was floating. Enveloped in an air of joy and ecstasy around, her heart was jumping leaps and bounds. He was playing soccer with his friends. She had plans to watch a movie so she was waiting for her girlfriends in the shed next to the ground. For the first time in fifteen years of her existence she had Goosebumps for no reason and rhyme. Her friends came by, a few minutes later and they left but for the entire evening the guy in the white Tee was on her mind. The very next day she introduced the shed as the new hideout place to her girlfriends. And there started the customary cycle of spending evenings with a bunch of giggling chirping sixteen year old girls gossiping about anything and everything possible that might exist on the face of the earth. From the school studs, to discussions about so as to why violet is the new pink, to the upcoming rock concerts. Surrounded by everybody she glanced at him unperturbed. Each night in bed before drifting to sleep she spun into a number of stories about what might be a possible if he comes up to her and asks her name.

She was never a damsel and the days passed by, the routine continued and she was still shy. For her he was like the star, the one within her periphery of sight yet unattainable. His absence from the field for a few days made her sick to stomach and gave her sleepless nights. It was all sealed within her and she perfected how to hide her frown from her girlfriends around. Tranquil in her own thoughts she glided. Then finally came the day when after numerous sleepless nights and endless sessions of hopeless smiles he waved to her. She was frozen couldn’t even wave him back felt stupid and turned back. He came running up to her and introduced himself. Jason was his name he said and even the handshake made her shiver and freeze.

Later that evening they ended up going for a walk. It was like a dream come true, and for the days to come the soccer and the gossip sessions took a halt. She liked the cohesion of their interactions and ignored all his flaws.

She was closest to her star now; she could not thank God enough that unlike innumerous unfortunate ones her’s was within her reaches. All she had to do was to extend a hand and claim what she had been longing for all this time.

One day when Jason was on his knees, he proposed her and any doubt of disagreement was out of scene. She always fantasized this day, since she saw him for the first time; it was her persistent dream ever since that night. Here she stands today and just before giving the consent to this relation yet unnamed. She closed her eyes and a flashback rolled by, and all the time they spent together flashed in front of her eyes but, shell shocked she was that the dreamy memoirs were replaced by all his hidden flaws and their unspoken and unresolved arguments that always existed, which they both rarely admitted, for the first time.

Terrified! she opened her eyes. In years of their togetherness she never felt so uneasy before. It wasn’t the cold feet or the commitment jitters that made her say a “NO”. She was surprised at her own decision. On the way back home that evening she took the same path where they both walked hands in hands for the first time. She didn’t repent her decision and she still had the hopeless smile and in the moments of retrospection she realized that Jason was just a star for her which always seemed an unattainable conquest and now when she has “been there and done that” she was just humane to change her desires and dreams.

When September ends

We are miles apart

And distance is hard to chase,

Love still exists,

But expressions have changed.

Dreams are still delusional

but they cover up for my hidden cries well.

Tears have passed just as the days does,

But night still strangles me in the ties that never broke.

Those moments are the only source

of the worn out calm.

They call me crazy and never get that

this is just a cover,

The one to hide our dreams

our definition of the perfect world.

Maybe I'm not worth it

maybe I'm just the wrong one

But I'll grow and will surelywalk away

but will do it slow.

Cause one day we'll see the life roll,

And that day I just want to put on the perfect show.

Whose life is it, anyway?

Two weeks down my semester breaks while following the mundane routine of dabbling through a few blogs I came across an interesting video about “Suicide Tourism”. My curiosity accompanied with prescheduled nothingness took over and I spent next 2 hours googling the term that caught my attention ending up watching a movie on euthanasia directed by John Zaritsky. It was about Craig Ewart an American traveler to Switzerland who after paying a nonprofit organization”Dignitas” about 10,000 Swiss francs (about $8,300), drank a glass of water laced with sodium pentobarbital and died within 30 minutes. He had a motor neuron disease and thus under Swiss law had a right to kill himself.

Suicide tourism (sometimes called euthanasia tourism) is a form of tourism associated with the pro-euthanasia movement which organizes trips for potential suicide candidates in the few places where euthanasia is tolerated, in the hopes of encouraging the decriminalization of the practice in many parts of the world.

Though euthanasia is legal in Switzerland, Holland and Belgium. But the provision for foreign tourists to be assisted to commit the suicide on the criteria that “the person is terminally ill and suffers from an illness that inevitably leads to death, or from an unacceptable disability, and wants to end their life and suffering voluntarily” is served and promoted by just Switzerland. And Dignitas is the only organization in Switzerland that helps foreigners. The number of foreigners Dignitas helps each year—132 in 2007, compared to 91 in 2003—has increasingly left the Swiss uncomfortable with the country's growing reputation for "suicide tourism

Ever since a former journalist and human rights lawyer, Minelli founded Dignitas in Zurich in 1998 there has been a moral debate about euthanasia.

With time the term euthanasia has virtually abolished the term assisted suicide. Different ethical issues are at play when discussing euthanasia; those who are pro euthanasia believe that a terminally ill person has the right to seek the help of another for the purpose of helping that person to kill him or herself. Those who oppose euthanasia believe that more harm than good is gained by this practice. The meaning of euthanasia has been altered throughout the years; it once meant "good-death", but has now been corrupted to mean "mercy killing". The main question when debating euthanasia is not whether a person has the right to help another die, but whether a person who is terminally ill, believes that their life is worthless, who actively seeks help in committing suicide, and who is not suffering from depression, should have the right to request assistance in dying. The question of euthanasia is a question of choice and empowering people to have control over their bodies.
Opposition to euthanasia mainly comes from three different groups. Religious groups who oppose freedom of choice in abortion also oppose euthanasia. Medical associations who are dedicated to saving and extending lives feel uncomfortable helping people to end there. Others oppose euthanasia, as it is typically transient. Of those who try to kill themselves but are stopped, less than 4% go on to kill themselves in the next 5 years, and only 11% go on to kill themselves in the next 35.
But although depression and pain are treatable, tens of millions of people do not have access to adequate pain management. Many people do not have enough health care coverage to pay for the amount of drugs they would need to take to control the pain they feel Euthanasia, therefore is the most practical and logical solution for some people.
Euthanasia raises many ethical questions. One such question is whether or not the state has the right to deny one's wish to ask for another's assistance in suicide. AS for my opinion I do not believe that euthanasia is in any way unethical, but a humane solution for someone who is destined to live the rest of their life in pain and discomfort. It is more humane to allow someone to die surrounded by friends and family in a dignified manner, rather than being kept alive by a machine and surrounded by tubes.

Is evil the new good??

So again the days of unemployment has made me look forward to give rise to my literary instincts(sorry people this is a big word for me atleast for the next few centuries to come...)

Hmmm........m one of those boring people who does'nt really come up with something innovative ; out of the box ; "generation awakening" IDEAS......
but something thats constantly ringing a bell in my mind for past few days is definition of being GOOD...
ohk sheding away the junk i'm neglecting all the moral science lessons and value education classes so no honesty, non violence, patience, dilligence and blah blah is on cards..I'm talking about TRUE SENSE of being good.....to elaborate is it about cheating your parents and not getting caught, copying your projects and assignments without even giving chance to your teachers to raise a brow, flirting around with every person who hits on u or who u want to hit rather without letting any of them know about this exclusive quality of yours........???
so finally you are trying to get the new definition of the old prehistoric term....
Huh I'm basically writting this post jst to take out my anger and frustration of being BAD(mind u use of this term is trully based upon the modern usage and definitions)
So......here goes the story
I'm bad in worldly ways just because:-

1.I don't have a boyfriend...ohk dats not the issue issue is the rest of the world makes me compel that i have one for no rhymes and reasons....(This is my tag 1 to be bad)

2.I don't know how to cheat people around.........yeah i'm dumb enough to be courteous to every FRIEND(look m dumb m still calling all of those morons friends...huh )...ohk to comprehend it i'm an EMOTIONAL FOOL.

3.I'm straight and forward to people on their faces yes i commit the deadly sin mentioned in the 11th commendment to speak theTRUTH.......( a friend of mine was innovative enough to invent rather discover a new term for me SOCIALLY UNDERDEVELOPED)

4.I badbitch noooo people do'nt get confused this is not the sin the problem is my probability to get caught trapped in that few 250 acres( i know you might think thats not a small area but when in mody with 360 grls..<>....even this area looks small enough) is close to one.....(ohk as per my current records its 0.99.......huh why m i being modest congratulate me people it's 1)

5.I am wearing a sacshe these days termed "THE WORST PHASE OF MY LIFE" n trust me god has assured even a blind man is given the power to read it and settle all the scores with me.........noo don't worry even though we have'nt messed in the past here is a golden opportunity people come and find a new foe rather target....


6...So you people want more wow this is so goood are'nt these characterstics enough to prove to the world that i'm bad or you want more of ma genetical information spilled in front of you.......



As always what i can do except to hope that one day things will be better i'll be happier trust me in this much of agony the only person i feel like jerkin the head off is that stupid EVE......damm the adam....nops dammm the apple